VICTORIA FALLS  (ZIMBABWE SIDE) – I MEET MY AFRICAN QUEEN

The driver approaches.  He is neatly dressed and keeps his cab in pristine condition.  A man worthy of querying.  It is advice I am after and not a ride so much.  “Where can I get a room, with internet especially, for a reasonable price.  A budget place --  bed and a shower..  I am on the road for 137 nights and each one has to be at minimal cost.”  Tulani smiles knowingly, says “I will take you to Mama, and you can bargain with her yourself.”  And thus begins one of the greatest hosting experiences I’ve ever had while away from US soil.

The Tatenda Safari Lodge & River Cruise was established in 1993 initially as a very small establishment.  It has since grown to 50 rooms capable of accommodating up to 200 guests. The first thing I notice about the place is the vibe: smiles abound, genuine greetings rule, and everybody is tripping all over themselves to serve me in some way.  I am introduced by Tulani to “Mama” … Tatenda Gunda, the widow of Brigadier General Armstrong Paul Gunda, taken in an auto collision with a train while on duty in 2007.

I explain my circumstances to her.  She does not hesitate to assure me we had plenty of room to talk, nor does she attempt the usual “upsell” gambit just to be sure there weren’t more dollars lying on the table.  The bags are carried to my room.  I am expecting a dark little hole at the back of the property, with no light and a barely functioning shower, and perhaps clean towels and a comfortable place to bed down.  And working internet.  Even if I have to walk back to the lobby to connect.

We pass by what appears to be The Executive Suite.  It is a museum of sorts, dedicated to her husband.  “He was the very best of men,” she told me a bit wistfully.  “He was very unusual for his station in the army.  He was honest.  He didn’t cheat or lie.  He could not tolerate corruption in any way.  I think it may be that he got in somebody’s way and we are not completely sure his vehicle hitting the train was an accident.”

I am advised this is my room.

Inside, there are double curtains, three couches, a number of memorial photos of the General, a King Sized Bed, air conditioning, a coffee table and dining table. The attached master bath had both shower and bath plus sink, bidet and toilet.  It also had more than one electrical outlet to service the entire room – a complete rarity for Africa.  The internet works in the room itself better than anywhere else in 21 days experienced so far in this continent.  No need to hoof it back to the lobby to connect.  And all for $35 per night.  Having gone a week without internet, the price is worth it for that factor alone.

Despite the rude train ride (though I’ve not been completely fair: the locals traveling the line from Bulawayo to Victoria Falls and departing in various stops along the way are an absolute riot) and the need for a nap, it is decided to strike out for Victoria Falls immediately.  The weather is clear.  The falls are at near maximum flow.  No guarantee this combo will continue.

Millions of years ago, lava fissures emerged from the earth and covered large parts of southern Africa.  As it cooled and solidified, cracks developed in its crust that were later filled in with easily eroded clay and lime.  Only hundreds of thousands of years ago, the Zembezi River eventually chiseled its way through this porous material.  Over time, there have been many falls, each successive cataract eventually eroding back to the nearest precipice of solid rock.  Victoria Falls – “The Smoke That Thunders.”

The famous Scottish missionary, explorer and slave abolitionist David Livingstone (he of Stanley & Livingstone fame) was the first white man to discover the falls in 1855.  He named them after his British monarch, Queen Victoria.  An island that divides the main falls from a series of falls further to the east today carries his name.  In his extensive memoirs, Livingstone described the waterfall as “The most wonderful sight I have ever seen in Africa …scenes so lovely must have been gazed upon by angels in their flight.”

The first portion one sees (and hears) is called “The Devil’s Cataract.”  Here, the lip of the basalt edge is lower than the rest of the series of water flows that makes up Victoria Falls.  More water flows to this portion therefore, and it is at this point that the highest flow of water takes place year round.  It is a torrential cauldron of surging froth, backed up with the power of 100 locomotives.  At one point, as the watercourse becomes completely vertical, there is a standing rooster tail wave 15 feet high where the massive flow surmounts rocky features which interrupt an otherwise clean drop.

During the afternoon, as long as there is no overcast, there is a perpetual rainbow situated over Devil’s Cataract (this place is a photographer’s wet dream).  Sometimes it is a double rainbow.  I was fortunate to experience the latter.  Further on, a mushroom cloud envelopes the pathways leading to the end of the falls about eight-tenths of a mile away.

This phenomena (seen at many other famous waterfalls, such as Igazu Falls in Brazil) results from expansive and rapidly moving masses of water pushing massive volumes of air out of the way, such that a vacuum is created.  Rising mist from the falls fills the vacuum.  It continues to rise, pulsating like an engorged mushroom, until the weight of the collective water vapor collapses in on itself.  And then the process starts all over again.

Next is Cataract Island, a river channeling divider with a clear cleft in it leading to the edge of the falls that might in 10,000 years become the new course of the river.  Beyond is the main falls – an 822 meter curtain of water which drops 93 meters to the rocky fissure below, which separates Zimbabwe from Zambia.  Here, the resurging water vapor is so heavy you are continuously rained on, and assured of getting soaked as you meander along the walkway which follows the Zimbabwe side of the falls (unless you are there during the dry season of  November and December).

Further still, are Rainbow Falls, Armchair Falls, the Eastern Cataract, and the “Boiling Pot” – an even larger pulsating mushroom cloud which often obscures a complete viewing of Victoria Falls from the Victoria Falls Bridge (which connects the two sides of the cataract) – especially during the maximum flow season such as is occurring now.

Zimbabwe and Zambia both love to declare that theirs is the best viewing side.  And both love to declare that Victoria Falls is the “greatest waterfall in the world.”  The rationale for this is somewhat convoluted, but goes something like this: Victoria Falls emanates from Africa’s fourth largest river, The Zambezi.  Neither Niagara Falls nor Iguazu Falls begins from such a powerful source.  Victoria Falls is 5698 feet wide and has a 351 foot drop, while Iguazu is a whopping 8858 feet in breadth but has a drop of only 269 feet.  Niagara, the most famous of the three, has a width of 3946 feet but a verticality of only 167 feet – short enough to ride over the falls in a barrel.

Flow rate is the real measurement of significance.  Victoria Falls has an annual average rate per second of 1100 cubic meters.  Niagara has a flow of 2406 cubic meters per second.  Iguazu has a flow rate of 1746 meters per second.  On top of that is visibility.  The main falls segment of Victoria Falls is obscured much of the year during maximum flow, due to the depth of its drop creating huge vacuums leading to various “mushroom” clouds which limit visitors’ perspective of the falls.  Iguazu is similarly afflicted, but only at the dramatic “Devil’s Throat” portion far removed from the center of the cataract series.  Only Niagara, due to its famous horsehoe shape, is not affected as much by pulsating mist clouds which interfere with the visual enjoyment of the panorama by visitors nearly any time of the year.

Thus, Victoria Falls’ claim to be “the greatest waterall in the world” is therefore objectively questionable, and left wanting for the surplus of other claimants to the throne.   Just to provide additional perspective it should be known the Good Queen’s waterfall is only 3^rd among Africa’s mighty rivers , her average flow paling compared to that of the Congo River  at 1,476,153 cubic feet per second, the Niger at 164,919 cfs and the “mile wide but inch deep Nile” flowing at 99,940 cfs.  It should be noted Vic Falls claims a peak season flow of 700,000 cubic meters per second at the tail end of the rainy season.

Thoroughly soaked from the mist trail which shadows the Zimbabwe side of the fissured rim of Victoria Falls, a tactical retreat is made to “The Rainforest Restaurant back near the park entry.  This is to dry out, enjoy an excellent glass of wine, and dine under unaccustomed conditions for Zimbabwe.  Further south, one becomes accustomed to surly service, slurred English, a lack of manners, and general indifference on the part of the wait staff.  This is not the case here.  Your waiters are crisp in their spoken elocution, have fastidious manners, somewhere learned to smile instead of snarl, and if anything are overly attendant in their duties.

The only shortcoming that can be attributed to this restaurant is their occasional lack of supplies due to farming irregularities in Zimbabwe – a long and complex story involving the encroachment of black squatters on the land of successful white farmers, wherein white farmers no longer are allowed ownership rights, a right to a profit, or something recognizable as economic security.  Famous travel writer Paul Theroux writes of this convincingly in his train-sojourn memoirs of South Africa:  the whites, in order to avoid being forcibly removed from their own land, must actually share their tractors, seed, petrol, and other necessities of the crop cycle with their interlopers to avoid being chased off the land … or worse … murdered.

Thus, vegetables, mushrooms, tomatoes, lettuce, coffee and other basic necessities of the restaurant trade must come from a very long distance.  If grown locally, the wild game will devour it.  This puts an added burden on Executive Chef Russell Manenzi in the culinary planning process.  As a result, when you order salad and there are no ingredients left, or the salmon salad and there is no salmon, they simply innovate.  This day, I am fortunate to witness the Rainforest Restaurant run out of salmon and four other key ingredients. In which case, I fall back on the pasta.  Always a great safety valve …

Oh My God … chef William Makwedza actually knocked this one out of the park.  Meaning past the waterfall, and a home run to boot. This is pasta I would have expected to find in Italy, or perhaps gourmet Paris.  Not in Zimbabwe.  But bring on the “Grilled Mozambique Tiger Prawns” with artichokes, tossed-in fresh dill, garlic and lime cream sauce.  It was quite simply, world-class exquisite.  I spent more time thanking and complimenting the staff on the meal, than I did on ingesting the seafood pasta itself.  It should be noted many other dishes looked equally interesting (if only the supply of regular vegetables and other necessities in their composition were readily available).

Just remember: Rainforest Restaurant at Victoria Falls (Zimbabwe side).  And no, there were no promotional considerations provided with this meal, just an unexpected appreciation for finding exquisite food in the most unaccustomed of places.

Mama has asked me what I’d like to do for the remainder of my stay at the Tatenda Safari Lodge.  She listened very carefully (a rarity here), didn’t speak a word, and then presented me with a plan for the morning.  I was rather struck how she accommodated both my objectives, my budget, and my timeline in to one tightly wrapped adventure.  This African Queen truly is an amazing woman.

My Day Two in the Vic Falls area is scheduled for Botswana and Namibia – easily accessible since those two countries, Zimbabwe and Zambia come together about 70 kilometers to the west in a “Four Corners” type arrangement.  I had indicated a desire to visit the Chobe River National Park in Botswana (a tributary of the Great Zambezi River, which feeds Victoria Falls), and then to visit the Caprivi Strip in Namibia.  Mama raised the ante.  She began by having her General Manager Kwazi drive me across the border into the Botswana town of Kasane and then accompanying us herself.

From there, after passing customs and immigration (free visas), she arranged for a river cruise along the Chobe River.  I am led by a water guide, Farouk, and a very helpful understudy, “Smalz.”  There were abundant elephants, impala, hippos, water buffalo, Kudu, and warthogs along the river frontage.  I had hoped to see Lions, the only part of the “Big Five” not seen in Kruger National Park.  This did not take place this day.  But the perspective of being able to see the game from behind them in the water, gave added advantage to those traveling the dirt track paralleling the shore in canvas-topped Land Rovers.  We had a much better view, particularly of the elephants and hippos pleasuring themselves with massive showers of water – a sight out of range for the land travelers.

A circumnavigation is made of Sedudu Island, claimed by both Botswana and Namibia for its 600 species of birds but controlled by Botswana after the International Court at The Hague (Netherlands) decided it had a better management plan and greater resources for dealing with the ecological opportunities there.  Botswana in fact has one of Africa’s better economies, and both its consumer pricing and goods availability demonstrate that.  Mama did plenty of shopping there, to acquire things not generally available at decent pricing in Zimbabwe.

By Mama’s prior arrangement, a cultural trip was also made out to Kavuvu Village on Impalila Island in Namibia, admittedly so I could claim a visit to that country as well.  This island has tribes from  Zambia, Zimbabwe, Namibia, and Botswana.  Its citizens (residing in 27 villages on 78 square kilometers of land) are therefore called “Za-Zi-Bo-Nas.”  Or, if you wish, “Zi-Za-Bo-Nas.”   Or any combination of the first two letters of all four countries you prefer!

The island is part of what is called the “Caprivi Strip” on the Namibian side of the river.  This is a long and narrow patch of largely unproductive land, connecting mainland Namibia with the Zambezi River, so that the Germans (in their colonial heyday related to primary holdings far out to the west) could connect with German East Africa (now Tanzania) and other centers of commerce further to the east.

The villagers largely do without electricity.  A few have small solar panels, which feed power to single 40 watt bulbs which power their home lighting in the evening.  It did occur to me later, why a waterwheel or water powered generator has never been put in place with the Chobe River surging along with regular flow just a football field distant from the village.

The homes are made from termite resistant poles pounded into the ground about a foot, which are then interwoven with branches criss-crossed horizontally between them.  These are then tied together with thong or reed.  The roofs are either tin, or layered thatch.  Three layers of mud plus cow dung are added to the stick latticework for structural mass, which has the added effect of being cool during regular daily heat waves.  The real magic comes from anthill dirt being used for finishing mortar, utilized primarily for its special resistance to rain and because it wears off (and requires less maintenance) much less quickly than normal dried mud.

Their life is one of simple dress and basic sustenance.  There is no observable industry or employment on the island, save for agricultural efforts.  Produced are: sorghum, sugar cane, corn (maize), peppers, mangoes, papaya, bananas, okra, radishes, fish, and … beer.  My guide, Calvin, grew up on the island and still resides there.  His grandmother’s hut was one of those dwellings I was lucky enough to poke my head into.  Summed up: it is amazing to one steeped in western culture, to observe how happy people can be and quite satisfied with their lives, despite having so very little to sustain themselves.

My day ends with yet another arrangement by my Lodge Hostess: dinner at The Kingdom, Victoria Fall’s premier dining, entertainment, and casino operation.  You would almost swear upon visiting this place that you are in a swanky Scottsdale, Arizona boutique restaurant (due to the stacked sandstone architecture).  The size is much greater here however.  And water predominates.  The surroundings are in marked contrast to the British Colonial Architecture which dominates most of Victoria Falls.

I am treated by Leonard, The Dining Manager at The Kingdom (again, arranged by Mama), to a half price buffet dinner which normally costs $22 US.  The food (while not quite as extraordinary as at the Rainforest Restaurant) is quite abundant.  There are no shortages here.  And you can sample native dishes which are stylistically much different than The Rainforest Restaurant.  Those include butternut squash, pasta, vegetable curry, baby marrow, potatoes, sabza – commonly known as “pop: (a smooth corn-based mashed potato mixture which is quite delicious), pork, chomoulier (like spinach), and salad.

Some of the more unusual features also offered at the buffet were: crocodile tail, kapent (which are small, anchovie-like dried fish eaten with sauce by the mouthful) and mopane worms.  Yes, I tried all three.  The worms are squeezed of their innards and then grilled and taste initially a bit like charcoal.  Surprisingly, like a good wine, they have a pleasant aftertaste, if you can hold on long enough to eventually enjoy it.